Coiffure

I am obsessed with my hair. Not the typical obsession where you brush your hair all day and look in the mirror admirably at your gorgeous locks. My obsession is much more sadistic. I am obsessed with having the hair that I do not have. In fact, I hate my hair. It is a combination between curly, frizzy and thin. It never goes the direction I want it to, almost always frizzes out and never stays straight, even after hours of prepping and styling.

From an early age, I decided that I was not satisfied with curly hair. My mom, being the nicest woman on earth, let me embark on different ways of getting to where I wanted to be. Unfortunately, this was a painful and arduous process. The antiquated chemical straightening process practically burned off my scalp and even after going to the stylist for a good hour before my eigth grade photograph, my hair ended up looking like squeaky from the little rascals. Needless to say, I was an awkward child.

I had hoped and wished that 20 odd years later my hair would eventually straighten out but much to my dismay, it is only getting curlier...

I have met many dogs during my life, but it occurred to me with my most recent client that there is definitely a hair hierarchy between dogs. Some are wire haired, others curly and some soft and smooth. I think I would most resemble the poodle. So when I met "Jack", I was immediately envious. He had the most beautiful black, soft hair. His ponytails (ears) were perfectly cut, not a hair out of place and his white paws stood in perfect contrast to his dark body. Jack knew he looked good. I felt pity and shame for my dog who always looked like he had just gone through a drive through car wash where they failed to embark on the last portion of the cleaning and grooming process.

Was this shame self-imposed? Am I just putting my feelings on him or does he really feel this? He must be mad at me for not keeping him up to Jack's standards. In fact, in a totally failed attempt to make him more prim, I saw a glint of shame on his face.

I decided to take my dog to a new groomer that seemed very reputable and sophisticated. Putting my trust in her, I gave her permission to groom him as she saw fit. I could hardly contain my excitement as I came back to pick him up but when he came out I was shocked. Speechless. What had she done to him? She robbed him of his manhood! He was BALD. His ponytails were gone. His scrappy tail was shaved. She made him look like a hairless cat. I couldn't even look at him. I didn't know whether to cry or laugh. When I finally looked at him I immediately knew what I needed to do. He was ashamed and wouldn't move. I knew I had to pick him up and act like nothing happened. I am sure my mother thought the same thing as she saw my hair hit the humidity before my 8th grade picture. You cannot show your disappointment, but love them anyways.

For the next week my poor puppy walked around without his usual swagger and refused to meet other dogs. Were they judging him? I wanted to yell at them like a protective mother would. He was never quite the same after this experience, so I opted to keep his hair long to the point of matted, instead of subjecting him to this scrutiny again.

After this painful groomer visit, I decided to join my dog in his obscurity. There was no point trying to mask what you have. There is vanity in the dog world just as much as in the people world. No one has the perfect hair they want regardless of how much you try. So I decided that you can either obsess about it or get over it and sport the frizzy, matted hair you have. For now, my dog and I are sporting the hair we were gave and slowly getting our swagger back.