It's a man's world

What is it with guys and Home Depot?? I usually contain myself to the flower section when I visit there, but during my last trip I wasn't so lucky. I walked aimlessly through every aisle attempting to locate winterization tools for my windows. My search through this store ended unproductively an hour later but turned out to be an eye opening experience. As I walked past what seemed like a trillion of the same tools and pieces of wood, I noticed that all the men there had an expression on their face that (in my humble opinion) should have only been reserved for their wedding day...presumably the happiest day in their lives. They had this wanderlust look in their eye like "If only I could live here....". At one point, I walked past a group of five guys huddled around a pint sized t.v. eagerly watching and studying a video. I imagined the Rocky theme song playing in the background as the blank screen revealed a brand new, shiny, orange power tool. When the reveal manifested, there was a gasp among the guys. At that moment I was convinced - men could easily replace women with power tools. They were infatuated. As the song track of Rocky played in my head, I peered down more aisles and envisioned men grunting as they do when bench pressing twice their body weight. Power saw? Ggggrrrrrr. Black and Decker drill?? Double grrrrrr.

I needed to escape. This was a man's playground that I was not welcomed in nor enjoying. When I left, it got me to thinking. My dog is a male and I am proud to say, lifts his leg to pee. I once naively thought that he lifted his leg at every plant or even dirt because he really had to relieve himself, but as I found out, he was doing this to prove he was a MAN. He may not be the biggest dog on the block but he still wanted to let every man know where he had gone first.

I am convinced that the Chicago epicenter of the alpha male dog population is at the dog park. It is the dog "Home Depot." Inevitably there is always one dog rounding up the others, taking laps and antagonizing the other dogs before they enter. On my most recent trip, it was a German Shepherd. The moment he set eyes on my 30-lb wingman, I knew it was over. He circled the park anxiously awaiting our arrival. I was hoping that some other dog would take away his attention from us, but much to my dismay, he was there to jump on top of my poor little buddy upon our entrance.

So I know that there are a million unspoken dog park rules, but today, I was not about to follow them. I decided to step in and put this alpha male in his place. What I failed to remember was that the German Shepherd was basically my body weight and that I was wearing a white jacket. Not for long. My jacket quickly turned brown and I was forced to grasp the railings to support myself.

My dog got away but a few minutes later, I could not believe my eyes! My precious mini-me was participating alongside Mr. Alpha. Together this awkward duo ruled the dog park. Peeing on every corner and charging every newcomer. Each time I tried to get his attention, he was too pre-occupied with his new "male" friend. I had been replaced yet again. First time by a power tool and now by the dog park ring leader.

Sitting there pathetic and alone, I saw an opening. In came a Bernese Mountain dog ready to take charge. Seconds later my buddy had had enough and was ready to come back to the woman in his life.

I realized that dogs need their male bonding time just as much as men. Let them go to their man cave, run around, pee on things and prove their manhood. We may not understand it, but that's what makes us love them. So for now on I will not be afraid to enter Home Depot. I will parade my dog around the aisles and respect each man's love for power tools and all things "manly." Eventually, they will come home from their fantasy land and if we're lucky, help us around the house a little bit.