My mouth

I have a terrible habit of putting my foot in my mouth. Case in point...one day I was walking down Southport with my sister and saw a sweet little black dog. Naturally, I went up to pet it. Attempting to compliment this adorable little guy, I told his owner that he had the most beautiful blue eyes. My sister immediately jabbed me in the side. I obviously still hadn't put two and two together. The owner let out a slight laugh and said, "Honey, those are cataracts."

Wow. I'm a girl of many words but at this point, I chose to just walk away, shamed.

What is wrong with me?? How could I have not put this together? I'm a dog lover and have been around plenty of old dogs.

A second example of my idiot-dum, occurred this past weekend. I was hosting one of my best friend's engagement parties and couldn't be happier by the show in attendance. But when a crowd comes along, my awkwardness follows suit. For some reason I can't keep it together around a lot of people. I mix up the order of my words and try to bust out jokes that either lay flat or die completely on arrival.

My friend was used to this but she was not used to what I was about to say. When I was trying to tell her how happy I was for her and what a good guy she found, I proceeded to go off about all the women that would want to date or marry him and how she needs to watch out.

Good intentions, totally wrong execution.

I think I have a clinical disorder where my obstinate mouth fails to follow my brain and hopelessly dribbles out nonsense. There should be a treatment for this before I offend everyone around me.

Luckily, I'm only with people 1% of my day. My job is right for me on so many different levels and an apparent benefit is that I won't affront people on a daily basis.

There is a dog that I walk that I have always felt a deep bond with. She is a little cooky and ticks off most dogs around her.

After studying her behavior, I realized what it was. When she met another dog she would either go right for the jugular or to the less desirable parts. There was no, "Hi, it's nice to meet you, my name is Dog. Now can I please smell your butt?" It was more like, "Move it buddy, I'm going to smell your butt whether you like it or not."

Poor girl. She was obviously never versed in dog etiquette and scared off most friends before she could make them. This was my kind of girl, though. We were the offensive team together. Watch out Chicago, we will single-handedly scare off your dog and owner simultaneously.

Now my dog on the other hand, was always very polite. He would give the standard kisses and smells and would always have deep conversations before ever offending anyone.

I decided from now on before I talk, I will vow to ask my dog what he would do, because all the dogs in the neighborhood seem to be in love with him. Leave it up to my eloquent little buddy:) Maybe I will start taking tips from him now on.